Of the wonderful things that you get out of life there are four
One of the hardest things about having a blog is growing up. Every once in a while you lose focus, have to take a look at yourself, see where you stand right at that minute, rather than barrelling on..
Back when this blog started, I was coming to terms with no longer being a dancing queen, getting over being a tomboy and going through the ups and downs of the continuous cycle of break ups with B (we went through a lot to get where we are now) which meant I used to emotionally dump on this blog a lot.
4 years ago I wrote things like this “If you knew me, you’d see a veritable Peter Pan, floating through life but never never seeming to land…no cares for the future, onwards to the next adventure!” forgetting that 4 years ago I made my own decision and left someone after a very long time together, it was my choice to be single.
4 years ago I wrote lists that ended with “but most of all i’m going to stop wasting my life on continuously bemoaning the fact I don’t have a life and i’m going out to get one” forgetting that I travelled on my own for 3 weeks around Australia and Tokyo.
4 years ago I described myself as “a bit of a cold fish, an ice queen, a closed shop”, which sounds like self depreciating emo crap, but back then, 4 years I wrote and wrote and wrote. I wasn’t scared of what people thought. I just needed to get it out.
…but 4 years ago despite the emotional crap I realised now how strong I actually was and on New Year’s Eve 2008 I reflected that as, like every year that goes by, the past always disappears into the archives.
4 years later I have come to terms with myself. I no longer see Peter Pan, I no longer feel I am wasting my life, I have one, I have good friends (and a wholly exciting hen party to come), I have my best friend B (puke) but more than that I am still here, blogging away. I might not emotionally spew quite as much, but then I don’t need to.
In 4 years I have come a long way baby. Happy 4th Blog Birthday to me.
Miss S x