You like potato and I like potahto

June 20, 2012 · by smidge · in

One of the things I brought back from my holiday (apart from another year older) is a selection of very ugly photographs. Its not just that I am a teensy bit over weight (I am) but also that I have decided that my dress sense leaves a lot to be desired. On every photograph I look a) like a sack of potatoes b) ungainly c) unfashionable…f) you get the picture. I was so not impressed; in fact I looked so ugly, I have deleted 90% of them, never to see the light of day again. The rest are head shots or where I have managed to cover my body with my arms.

I’m not going to embarrass myself even more by posting them here, or allowing you to go aww you aren’t fat, you look lovely, that’s a lovely dress, because I’d argue back at every one of you, I don’t feel good. Now I am already back on a healthy post holiday diet, so fingers crossed the pounds will drop back off again in time and I am going to swim twice a week and go to zumba, as well as walking twice a day.

But as you all know once you see fat, there is no going back.

I think the problem is not actually the weight itself, but the age I see myself as (probably about 22) is not reflected back in the photos anymore. I am now 34 years old. In fact it’s not just the photos themselves, but the clothes I am wearing, most of them would suit me at 22, ok, maybe me at 27, indeed most of them were my 27 year olds clothes. I like to recycle.

Anyways, the clothes include:

  • a hand me down dress from my sister – who even admitted she gave it me as it was unflattering on her size 6 frame, it looks awful on my size 10.
  • a denim mini skirt that I used to be able to pull down over my hips – no more.
  • chino’s that do nothing for my hips. At all. With vests I love but again, do nothing for my tummy.
  • the lovely dress I wore when I got engaged, when I felt so lovely, now makes me look pregnant.
  • a giant fred perry tshirt and denim shorts – what am I a boy?
  • And, finally even if I pull my top in tighter with a belt to give myself a waist, my hips explode everywhere…

Now I am not made of money, not with a wedding to pay for, and I have an extensive wardrobe already, even if most of it is unflattering, as above, but I need help. I need a mirror that screams at me: “your boobs look like watermelons” “your tummy is sticking out” “you look squat” and “don’t even think you look good in that” and throw a stylish, well fitted dress that elongates my figure and squishes the boobs in to a sexy rather than cow like level at me instead.

Can someone invent one?
No?

Ok, I guess because the mirror doesn’t actually exist and I hate shopping with other people that it’s got to be a case of trial and error, and well, taking a chance…and asking B to be honest, rather than loving when I try something on. I somehow need to get my ‘I look ok’ mojo back, because right now it’s still lying somewhere on a beach not giving a frick what it looks like… and I really don’t want to feel like this for my wedding.

Any suggestions to finding clothes to actually suit your body shape?

Miss S x

P.s this is my current attempt to do this – this Warehouse dress (in cream or navy), or this Lipsy dress? Comments?

P.p.s ok I give in, here is the worst photo of me I could find, in the hand me down from my sister dress, don’t all puke at once now..