In which I whisper, don’t sing
Whilst Misswolfi and I were shopping for wedding dresses last weekend we had a frank conversation about my career. Compared to some of my contemporaries I have played it a little safe, R, as only a best friend can, was scolding me gently about this. In essense, she told me I hold myself back, that I won’t get anywhere if I don’t stop being so self-depreciating. That I need to start singing my own praises a little more.
It made me think – do I?
I didn’t think so, but then I had never really thought it was an issue either.
As a child, I was encouraged to get good grades, but never to sing about them. If I did well, well, then it was smiles all round, if not then it was good enough. Failure wasn’t a bad thing either; it just meant that you were better at something else. But success, well, then you had to think about all the things you couldn’t do and work on them too. No one was, is, good or bad at everything. All you could do was to try.
Hard work is important. Work hard and however well you achieve you will always get respect for it. Be a grafter. But don’t sing and shout about working hard either; I could shout that for the last two years I have worked full time whilst completing a master’s degree. But honestly, people run countries, families, 2 jobs and do much more than I did these last 2 years, sometimes I struggle to run my life and keep my health whilst working this hard.
My mum (the adopted one) jokes that she can relay my achievements (the big ones, not me getting out of bed every day) to her friends with pride because I wasn’t hers. She can bask in the glory of my master’s degree because she didn’t make me. I can understand what she means – she is able to bask in reflective glory, but not say ‘She did this, she did this because of me.’ it takes the smugness away, but leaves the pride behind
So for R (and my mum who has already told everyone) I am going to tell you something. In two weeks time I am going to an awards ceremony. An awards ceremony where a piece of work I project managed, wrote and delivered is up for a national award.
I am proud and I am allowed to be. Now wish me luck and someone please tell me what to wear!
Miss S x